The new year always sparks the love bug in me, and I am not the only one. A lot of guys at the beginning of the year reflect and think about finding love. However, finding love can be a challenge in the age of technology, and everybody is interested more in instant gratification instead of the experience of getting to know someone.
I will be the first to tell you, I used to hate when someone moved slowly, I would always hear, “you’re moving too fast.” It seems like the tables have turned. Nowadays the guys I know are either jumping from relationship to relationship at the speed of light or from bed to bed. I can’t keep up anymore. Believe it or not, I’ve become the slow turtle when developing a relationship. “Slow and steady wins the race” is my new tagline when it comes to dating.
Honestly, I would love to be asked out on a date instead of having to deal with the long list of “let’s f&ck” messages I receive if and when I log onto a hookup site. I deleted Grindr years ago and never looked back. However, I did fall into the trap of Scruff last year, and I was more disappointed than ever. Of course, it’s not the ideal method to meet Mr. Wonderful but “when in Rome do as the Romans do.”
40-something year old guys have reached a point in their lives where they are having the time of their lives and are settled into being single or happily dating. Personally speaking; I think getting to know someone new is the fun part of dating, and especially when there are no expectations to fall in love, move in together or jump in bed by the 2nd date. I know I’m asking for a lot, but am I!?
Unfortunately, gay men have the ‘cute boy’ syndrome. Not all but a large population of gay men are always on the hunt to find the next best thing. I will admit, Grindr, Scruff, and Adam4Adam make it difficult to stay faithful when everyone is ready and willing. Although, when you find the right guy, staying faithful is a piece of cake.
Being gay and single is a blast from time to time, but moments like the new year you begin to wonder what life could be like if you find someone worth getting to know.
Getting to know somebody takes time. It becomes an investment and requires a personal commitment. A personal commitment means not diving into the dating scene without seriously considering whether or not you’re ready to date.
I had a friend years ago who would tell me to make room in my life for someone new. We’ve all met the guy who wants to have a relationship but has no extra space in their life for someone new. Their life is so closed up that the potential and possibility of a relationship is nearly impossible.
How does a guy make room for someone new in advance?
Yes, there are a few things you can do to prepare. Some of these suggestions will sound weird but opening up your heart is a process, and actions speak louder than words.
1. Clean out your drawers and closets and leave them empty or with enough space for someone new.
2. Sleep on one side of the bed. It’s a physical manifestation that you’re ready for another body to occupy the bed with you.
3. Smile. Smiling is inviting, and it also lets potential suitors know you’re open, friendly and possibly looking for more than just sex. (I smile less when I’m on the hunt for just sex).
4. Let the past go, forget about the failed relationships, and stop the blame game. Victim stories you tell about yourself is self-sabotage so let them go. By doing so, and you set yourself free. And in being free, you’re extra alluring to others.
5. Maintain a romantic state of mind, and allow yourself to relearn intimacy if you’re used to only hooking up and meeting guys online for sex.
These five steps may appear corny and possibly insane, but when you peel back the layers it boils down to vulnerability, being seen, and losing the full autonomy of being single. Ultimately it’s what needs to take place before you dive back into the dating game and seriously find someone new.