At Last, The Secret To LOVE Is Revealed

Often times people throw the love word around too loosely. You meet someone new, feel that chemical and emotional attraction and pow…instant love.
gay dating relationship advice, Love
Photo Credit: Giovanni Dall'Orto

For the 25 and up, ask yourself, “how many times in life have you convinced yourself you were in love?” Have you asked yourself what “Love” really is? Loving someone and being loved in return is a gift. A gift to be shared, cherished and treasured by both parties.  Often times people throw the love word around too loosely. You meet someone new, feel that chemical and emotional attraction and pow…instant love. STOP, think about what’s really happening. How well do you know this person? Do you know anything about their background, current life, beliefs, wants, needs and desires? Are you hearing the truth or what they want you to hear? Step back and recognize reality before jumping into a fantasy. Just because someone tells you they want to treat you like a King, doesn’t mean they actually intend to. It’s their actions that will show you if they really mean it.

hot guy carrying a sign with the word love on it during gay pride on 9th Street Station, New York, United StatesThe newness of love is always exciting. You just can’t wait to hear from or see that person. The time in between seems long as you wait in anticipation for the next time you are together. You glance at your phone 100 times a day waiting for that text or that call that simply says, “I’m thinking of you.”  Great feeling..right? Then what happens? One of two things, you either continue to grow closer or you find out down the road they really weren’t the person you thought they were. Never take “love” lightly.  Personally, I feel it takes a good 6 months to a year to start to see the “real” person.  If at that point you love the good, the bad and the ugly, then hey…it just may work! Really loving someone is a responsibility.  One of my favorite cartoon quotes is a little girl chasing a boy down the street while he’s holding her heart. The saying goes, “Hey come back here, that’s my heart, you can’t play with it”.  Powerful statement if you think about it. A heart that ends up broken holds scars for a long time, sometimes forever. It really isn’t something to toy with or break.  Loving someone comes with maturity and responsibility. You must realize that your actions will always affect your significant other. Whether they are good actions or not so good actions, every action in life has some sort of reaction.

The point is as adults we need to love the right way, set the example for the next generation.  Nobody is perfect. We all have flaws, bad habits, and negative traits. Those just need to be balanced out with many more positive traits and behaviors. When you give your heart to someone you are trusting them to take care of it. That goes both ways. So, when you meet someone new and have the urge to say you love them,  just follow a few simple rules: 1-Trust yourself and your instincts 2-Never give too much information about yourself right away 3- Ask yourself what it is you really want from this relationship 4-take time to find out about them.  Ask questions, be observant and really get to know the person.  5-If it’s a love it will flow naturally.  You will know when it’s real. Be careful not to mistake love with lust or instant gratification.  Remember, sex for sex is different than sex for love. Don’t confuse the two.

Lastly, be responsible. Don’t use people just to get something you want. Don’t tell someone you love them if you don’t and have enough respect for yourself and pride in yourself to be truthful and honest. It’s never fun to end up with a broken heart. So enter into love the smart way, not the irresponsible way. Take your time, remember both parties have feelings.  If you want a long-lasting, loving relationship with someone you must communicate. Trust and honesty are so important. People need to be independent within the relationship, which by the way shouldn’t be an issue when you are secure in yourself.  If it’s just a booty call you are looking for then hey, fess up and say so. The worst that can happen is the other party says, “no“.  If it’s a loving, lasting relationship you are looking for then don’t just think with your heart, think with your brain too.  Saying you love someone is just words, showing someone is just actions, but the two together are most meaningful.  Don’t be careless with another person’s heart, instead of love safely and love smart.

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Men & Sexuality

LA Writer: Host at "The Sensitive Nice Guy" radio show. Entertainment management and PR with a background in Psychology and Behavior Management.

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