How to Score a Date After a Hook Up

"Being an old school romantic in a hook-up culture is a special kind of hell!"
Photo Credit: Marisa Howenstine

Meeting online via a hook-up app has become extremely commonplace, but many of us still get confused when we meet someone online who we end up liking. Some of us do not know how to appropriately switch from hook-up to date.

When it comes to dating especially meeting guys online, we’re all fish out of the water and from what I can tell, we’re all dying out here. Sadly many potential relationships reach their demise before they can even start.

Have you ever met a guy online and you find yourself magically together. You’re both on cloud 9 saying sweet things about one another and discussing how to meet up outside of the bedroom. Then suddenly during the night, your mind clicks. You suddenly begin paying attention to certain things, the negative things/signs we are all drawn to preventing us from finding true love. The behaviors we are used to doing from being single so long come out and we forget how to act in front of a potential date.

For example, you met a guy in the middle of the night, and he comes over, and you have an over-the-top day/night (a 24-hour love affair). He is a superb guy, you feel an undeniable connection, but as the hours grow longer you begin to notice certain behaviors, the ones called warning signs.

Let’s get back to what typically happens to create a bump in the road. Now, be honest, once he leaves, how many of you have gone online to check if he is still online? Don’t lie, many of us have done it! In my opinion, that’s the beginning of the end. In this very moment, it’s the demise of a potentially good relationship that will never see the light of day.

Suspicion is often the killer of newly formed relationships and especially when it’s someone you barely know. How crazy do you look if you were to ask someone about being online when that’s how you met each other less than 24-hours ago. You’re liable to be called, “psycho!”

On top of that, depending on what time you met, it’s likely that one or both parties have been indulging in some form of extracurricular. Whether it be drinking or the famous party favors, your mind begins to become more and more cloudy and foggy as the night grows later and longer. At some point in the night, you’re starting to create a narrative complete with all the reasons why he is a liar, not telling the truth, or not worth your time.

I think these scenarios are common and happen all the time. There’s no right or wrong answer or protocol as to when somebody should go online after they meet someone new that they really like. It’s important not to draw conclusions that they shouldn’t go online after one night.

For many gay men, I think suspicion and the ways we meet each other nowadays are the reason for the demise of so many potentially good relationships. The internet and dating (hook-up) apps have produced an ‘army of gays’ who are distrusting, don’t believe in monogamy, are hopeless about love, and who live very promiscuous and uninhibited lifestyles.

Who isn’t fearful of rejection? It’s the very reason many guys don’t reveal they’re in recovery when they meet a guy partying or are positive to a guy who is negative, or truthful about their feelings.

I asked a friend his thoughts on the subject and what he thought was the appropriate time to go back on-line after a 24-hour love affair (hook-up) and he agreed. It’s best practice not to log-on to the apps within 24-hours because if you’re planning on going on a date, logging on to the site will confuse things. You may appear disinterested by being back on the hook-up site.

I am no expert, but I think you should go on at least three dates before logging back to a site. Three dates are enough time spent together to determine whether you’re interested or not. If you’re interested and they’ve peaked your interest, the craving to meet someone else will be postponed further. However, if you’re not interested, I would say, show a little respect and pick up the phone and tell the person you’re not interested before jumping back online.

In essence, miscommunication and the fear of speaking up because the timeframe you’ve known someone shouldn’t keep you from being transparent about your feelings. Let me conclude, if there is a misunderstanding, it can’t be cleared up or clarified unless you’re honest with one another. Whether it works out from that point, if you’re open and honest you can say you gave it your best shot.

Men & Sexuality

Founder, Co-Owner & Managing Editor. Corey has experience in the corporate financial services, training, brand development, and when he is not writing he's at home dancing nude with a glass of wine.