Sorry to break it to you, there is no such thing as finding the perfect man.
I had a chat with someone recently who is in a relationship but for some reason finds himself going outside the relationship to party and have sex (PNP). But during his hook-ups, he finds himself not having sex. At first, you might label him confused, struggling internally or not honest with himself, which are all partially correct.
Let’s face it, when it comes to settling down with one person, it’s the commitment part that freaks guys out. They are always afraid they will be missing something, and in reality, they won’t be missing anything. Plus, the guys who want to be free sexually and not committed are the ones who end up hurting or hanging on to the guys who want to be invested. The fear of losing a good thing keeps them from making the right choice. Feeling shameful because you don’t want a relationship is nothing more than self-sabotage
When it comes to finding the perfect guy, most of us are blind and look for everything perfect. However, the ideal guy is far from perfect. He might strive for better, he might even have a great body, but what makes him perfect is the fact that he accepts his flaws and is unapologetic for falling short from time to time. I am not talking about someone who is continuously going out of the relationship for sex, lying or being selfish and holding on to someone until they figure out their lives.
I’ve been in relationships and felt I was not good enough or fell short all the time. However, I realized it was me becoming the main character in my own drama. Those relationships all ended because I never acknowledged the qualities I bring to the table or wasn’t truthful with myself that I wasn’t ready for a commitment, not being loved the way I wanted, or diluted my relationship because it did not meet the image of the perfect relationship in my head.
Gay men in relationships who are not honest with themselves look outside of the relationship for something more. However, when you point out to the person that something is missing in that relationship, they reject that point. They might even say the person has all the qualities, sex is good, yet, they are still hooking up and are internally unhappy. They’re hanging on to dear life to a relationship that might need time to breath. Your partner may seem “perfect”, but perhaps you’re not acknowledging they need to love you differently. Maybe they are not loving you the way that you want or need.
Hanging on to a relationship for the wrong reasons often prevents a person from growing, but it also keeps both parties stuck in a very negative cycle and possibly settling for someone that is not 100% invested or ready to make the relationship work. Hell, committed relationships are a lot of work, and I guess that’s why the divorce rate is high as hell.
However, we’re confident perfection is not what is culturally defined as Barbie-Ken-doll beauty or Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse. The sad part, we’ve been all fed a lie. When our lives or partners don’t live up to our standards, that means they’re not perfect. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! Walk up to a mirror and slap the first person you see because you need a wake-up call. Nothing, no-one or situation is perfect.
Perfection is defined as something flawless. However, dating and people are far from perfect. I congratulate anyone who has the courage and optimism to chase perfection. But, oh gosh, “How tiring!” Regretfully, I need to inform you that you’re losing. The problem with chasing “perfection” is you’re creating a personal crusade and war against “imperfections.”
Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are Irrational. Instead of looking for a person to be perfect and infallible, why not look for someone who sees you as “perfect” just the way you are!