Race Play – When He Suddenly ‘Turned Me Off’

"Looking back, my opinion of him changed and I could not believe how easy the N-word rolled off his tongue." - Corey Wesley
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Photo Credit: Eva Mueller Photography of Corey Wesley

I can remember that night like it was yesterday. The guy was hot, a fantasy come true. He was tall, bearded, blue-eyed, with a full head of hair, silver to be exact. Damn, the moment he walked in I was ready to strip down at the front door, but I didn’t, I kept my cool.

Like any online hook-up, he and I had already discussed what we like to do in bed making it easier to get into the shake and bake.

It was hot from the second our lips locked. His thick trucker hands touching my body made my entire body tremble. It felt like I was having a heart attack but it was my erection throbbing with a bulging pulse. I couldn’t wait to give him the ride of his life.

As I positioned myself on top of him lifting his legs over my shoulders I was ready to explore strange new worlds, boldly going where no man had gone before. That was until he said, “Fuck me, nigger!”

The first thing that ran through my mind was, “Did I just hear him correctly?” I still wasn’t sure so I stopped in mid-stroke asking him if I heard him correctly. He immediately apologized, and I accepted. I pulled out and sat on the edge of the bed to gather my thoughts and figure out how I wanted to handle the situation.

You would think I would have been pissed the hell off, but the truth of the matter was I know that there is a population of African-American who get off on it, allow it and find it acceptable. That’s why I did not overreact to the situation. I knew at that moment, I had to handle it in a mature manner. Plus, I wanted this to be a teachable moment for him, that all black men are not cool with that type of rhetoric in bed.

Even though our night was over, he and I had a very honest conversation about it. Obviously, “I’m not a racist,” was the first thing to come out his mouth, and to be honest, I did not get that impression. Nevertheless, I will give the side-eye to any white man who feels comfortable to use such a negative, derogatory, stereotypical word, especially when the word nigger is a racial slur directed toward black people.

He clearly did not set out or intend to offend me and explained that he hooked up with another black guy 12 months before who insisted that he say it, and he said it made him uncomfortable at first. However, after hooking up with several other men of color he thought it was okay, and the reason I did not get upset.

It’s funny. I’ve been asked if I was into race-play a lot online, and I think that’s a solid indication that it’s more acceptable than I would like to think. Whenever I’m asked, I am turned off. The fact they felt comfortable enough to ask and that’s reason enough for me to decline and move on.

Here is where I have to be honest. I was asked by a long-time f-buddy if I would be okay with him using it. At the time it was someone I trusted and hooked up with for years, still a difficult decision, and one I regret till this day. When I agreed, the first time he said it, I was okay, but when it was nonstop, I couldn’t stomach it anymore. I pretended to climax to end the night. I never saw him again after that last night.

I felt horrible and guilty for giving him permission to use the word. I never said anything to him. I allowed it, and I had to deal with the consequences. Looking back, my opinion of him changed and I could not believe how easy the N-word rolled off his tongue.

I’ve spoken to a handful of my white guy friends and all of them agree, it’s never something they would say or feel comfortable saying. However, that’s not all of them. A handful of them feel it’s okay when the man of color agrees to race-play or initiates the use of the word, it’s a green light and permission.

In my opinion, it’s never okay to use the N-word in bed, but hell, I’m only one gay black man. There are tons of men of color who would disagree and who say it’s okay.

One associate of mine explained that it’s a sign of power. He indicated that it turns him on when he hears, “Fu^K me with that Ni… dick!” Then there are some who will argue that it’s no different than a white guy saying, “Fu^k me with that Black Dick!” I personally disagree. I hate hearing that too!

Whether you want to believe it or not there is a large population of white men who fetishize about black men and that’s not a compliment. It all plays into the stereotypes of black men and the one part of being a gay man of color attracted to white men that I’ve hated the most.

Did you hear about the black porn star who sued his director for making his white co-star call him the N-word during a racist sex shoot?

“Maurice McKnight, who goes by the stage name Moe the Monster, claims in a new lawsuit the hate speech was spewed during a shocking shoot in Tarzana, Calif., last July. McKnight says director James Joseph Camp tried — and failed — on two separate occasions during the production to get his pre-approval for use of the despicable dialogue.” Daily News

I am no expert on the topic of race relations, but I do know one thing, the N-word is not acceptable in my book! Whether you agree with race play in the bedroom, it’s important to first ask the person if they’re okay with it.

What do you think?

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Dating

Founder, Co-Owner & Managing Editor. Corey has experience in the corporate financial services, training, brand development, and when he is not writing he's at home dancing nude with a glass of wine.
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