Stop Texting Him And Start Calling

Don't ever regret not putting yourself out there by asking for what you want
Gay Dating Relationship Advice, Gay Men, Communication Skills, Text Messaging

Texting is no longer a trend but a way of life. Lately, I have been chatting with several friends who each say they are interested in a guy but they have arrived in the land of confusion because all they do is text one another.

One of those friends recently asked me, “when is it appropriate to call someone you’ve been texting for a month to talk on the phone?” Are you fucking serious? Is this really the state of dating? Texting for a month and nothing more? Okay, we’re busy and texting is a quick and easy way to communicate, but, hell, if you like someone and you find him worthy enough, your ass better pick up the phone on day one. Or at least within the first seven days something should be set for a more personal encounter such as that phone call, a video chat, in person sex, video sex, meeting for a drink or dinner or some other type of date…whatever necessary to keep things moving and grooving.

The longer you wait to call someone and ask them out on a date you most likely are going to find yourself in the quicksand of regret when you see he is in love or dating another Mister and ready for a more serious commitment. I have been in this situation sometimes and I have always wondered when it is appropriate to switch the communication channel from texting to a live conversation. And I will be honest, I don’t know the answer and the answer may be different for each individual.

When I like someone I don’t want to risk someone else coming in swooping up my new connection. There are some pit falls along the way in making the decision to get more personal. My friend’s question about when to call after texting is often what happens when we meet someone new and we’re interested in them. We play those head games with ourselves by asking stupid questions like, “Should I call?” “Am I going to appear desperate?” “He didn’t respond to my text in 5 hours so I must have done something wrong.” All that these questions do is block our ability to move towards connecting further with our new attraction and being happy, and isn’t that the goal?

It’s important to identify your goals in meeting someone new. It’s so easy to connect more personally or “in person” these days. So if your goal is to have more than a texting buddy you have to find a way to read body language, listen to the tone and inflections in their voice to help you better understand who they are and how they respond in a live encounter. Only then can you determine whether it’s worth going even further in the relationship. I see so many people in subways, walking in the streets, and, yes, even driving their cars through intersections with their heads down like a drone into their mobile devices.

My answer to my friend’s question, don’t be shy, lift up your head from your texting and go out and get what you want. If the other person cancels, doesn’t respond quickly, makes excuses, flakes out all the time, well, there ya go, you’ve got the answer you were looking for and you can keep moving and grooving.

Men & Sexuality

Founder, Co-Owner & Managing Editor. Corey has experience in the corporate financial services, training, brand development, and when he is not writing he's at home dancing nude with a glass of wine.