Summer Bae, Sashay Away?

Tips for Transitioning Your Summer Fling Into The Real Thing

As the summer winds down, you may be wondering what is going to happen with your summer fling (flings, if you’re nasty). After all, the summer is a season based on rather shallow ideals. We tend to look the hottest we look all year, we are the most fun version of ourselves, and generally, we are more sexual during the summer months. Knowing this, we begin to wonder what our summer fling is going to think of the real us – the “fall” us.

All is not lost, there are many ways you can transition a summer fling into the real thing. First, you must evaluate what type of fling you have. It may be the case that you happen to have met your lifelong partner during the summer. That certainly does not make him a fling. Let’s call this guy “the keeper.” It may be the case that you have an in between type of man. Perhaps you met at a party or on a dating app. Things may be pretty sexual between you two, but there are also the underpinnings of friendship such as common interests. Let’s call this guy “the maybe.” Finally, it may be the case that you have an NSA sex buddy. Sure, this doesn’t have to be a “walk into a dark room and find me blindfolded” type thing, but both you and he likely know that all you have in common is sex. Let’s call this guy “Mr. NSA.”

For each type of summer fling, there is a plan of action for you to determine if he’s here to stay, or if bae needs to sashay away.

  1. The Keeper – Without question you should have a conversation with Mr. Keeper about making things more serious. Even though you met in the summer, this is a guy that you connect with physically, mentally, and are starting to develop (or already have) strong feelings for. All I would suggest here is to confirm that the feelings are mutual and count yourself among the lucky ones – you have a prime cuddling partner for the fall.
  1. The Maybe – This is a trickier type of summer fling. You guys likely met in a fun or sexual context. The sex is popping, but you are starting to like him for more than just hooking up. You might be nervous and wondering if he wants anything more than sex. Approach this guy cautiously. You don’t want to suddenly turn him off by giving him a boyfriend ultimatum. I would gently start asking him questions that would indicate if he even wants a boyfriend. “Do you like being single?” “So…are you cool with our situation?” Based on his answers, you’ll know whether or not to proceed with the “let’s make this more serious” conversation.
  1. NSA – For this type of fling, your main goal is not to lose a good thing. If the sex is a good and you’re not looking for anything more serious, I would just affirm with Mr. NSA that things are working for him and both of you want to continue being friends with benefits. If that’s the case, you are also all set for the fall. With time, you may want to upgrade him to a “Maybe” (see above) but why disrupt regular sex with someone you know and trust?

With these simple tips, hopefully you can make an informed decision about what you want out of your summer fling.

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Men & Sexuality

Lex, Esq. is a California attorney with a blog that uses humor and truisms to highlight how the law applies to gay relationships.